The stresses of parenting, separation due to military deployment, infidelity, or money problems can challenge a marriage to its core. With hard work, many marriages can survive. But be aware of these five top warning signs that it’s time to get a divorce.
You’re Roommates, Not Lovers
Separate bedrooms are often for roommates, not spouses. If you’re already living like single people, sleeping apart, pursuing separate interests, and making separate meals, you should think seriously about splitting up.
When one spouse, or both, selects nights out with friends more often than date nights with their spouse, something could be seriously wrong. Flirting with single people, fantasizing about a life without your spouse, or constantly complaining to friends about your spouse’s habits are sure signs that you want out.
You’re Only There for the Kids
Staying together for the children is a laudable sacrifice. However, keeping your kids in a loveless environment where their parents constantly fight isn’t necessarily the best option for them.
Many couples succeed as co-parents following a split. For others, unfortunately, the discord goes on for years after the divorce. Try to find a divorce attorney who can best represent your interests and advise you on what you should expect.
Your income and your spouse’s income will play a role in how much each of you will contribute toward maintaining your children’s lifestyle after you split up. Courts try to approve equitable arrangements, but it’s not uncommon for one partner to think that the child support order is unfair.
You Make Major Decisions Separately
Suppose your spouse arrives home in a new car, which comes as a total surprise to you. Maybe you plan and pay for a vacation without consulting your partner. Or, you choose a summer camp for your kids and announce it on the day your kids are departing. Lack of communication about major life and financial decisions is one of the top warning signs it’s time to get a divorce.
You Show Contempt for Each Other
When communication breaks down, whatever is left could become a series of disrespectful eye rolls, insults, or unfounded accusations. Treating your partner with contempt is the top factor therapists and counselors name as a sign that a marriage is on its last legs.
Addiction, Domestic Violence, Psychological Abuse
When one partner endangers the other or their children, getting out becomes urgent. Unfortunately, the first incident of domestic violence is rarely the last. One of the most destructive non-physical behaviors for your mental health is gaslighting—when you know your spouse is behaving irrationally, but somehow, they convince you that you’re the crazy one. Any of these issues can represent a danger to your family’s safety.
If your marriage is showing signs of distress, you can talk to your partner about seeking marriage counseling to salvage your marital relationship. If there’s little hope your spouse will cooperate, call an experienced divorce attorney.